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Russian Salami
'''Russian Salami '''is the 1st episode of season 1 of The Adventures of Travis and Tim!. It released Jan 3rd, 2019. Cast * Travis * Tim Transcript (Ep starts with tim inside his living room eating a russian salami sandwich) Travis: (walks in) mmmm, tim! That sure looks like a tasty sandwich! What's in it? Tim: it's salami, man! Travis: Salami? Salami?! Mmmmmm salami! Tim: it's russian salami. Travis: russian salami? That's even better! Can i have a bite? Tim: sure, travis! Travis: Great, let me ju- uh, where's the sandwich? Tim: what? Oh shit, i must've eaten it all! Travis: Oh no!!!!!!!! B-but you still have some Russian salami, right? Tim: uh, let me check (Tim walks out and back in a few seconds later) Tim: uhhhhhhhhh no. Travis: (falls on knees) NOOOOOOOO! Tim: fear not,FAKOAJDIEEKI, I have a solution. Travis: (wipes tears) what? Tim: you and i could venture to Russia and retrieve some of that delicious salami! Travis: let's do it! Tim: we just need some passports and some- (The tv turns on and Alvin!!!!! and the chipmunks theme song plays) Travis: ooh, alvin! (Singing along) watch out- (Cuts to travis with a blindfold on. Tim takes it off revealing they're on a plane.) Travis: wow! How did you get us on this plan so fast? Tim: let's say i had to hack into a few things… hehehe. (Opens laptop) (Cuts to the pilot flying the plane) Pilot: (humming, then stops) What the- ach! I cant control the plane! Damn Russians!! (Cuts back) Pilot: (through speakers) im afraid we're being hijacked! I cant control the plane! (Passengers scream (Cuts to the 2 parachuting to the ground) Tim: aaand we're here! (The plane crashes in the background) Travis: woo! We're here! Tim: I just said that. Man: (in background) oh my god, my family is dead! Tim: now let's go to the store! (Cuts to inside a russian store) Cashier: чем я могу тебе помочь? Travis: i don't speak russian- Tim: привет сэр, у вас есть русская салями? также привет всем, кто потратил время на перевод этого. Cashier: нет, я не. Tim: Damnit! He doesnt have any. Travis: i guess we're going russian salamiless… Tim: WAIT! i know a place where we can get some r.s… the forests of Russia. (Cut to the both of them venturing through a forest) Travis: I've gotten bitten by 5 mosquitos and i think 4 of them had malaria. Tim: shh, look! (Cuts to reveal a whole breed of live russian salamies) Travis: oh my god! Tim: (holds gun) i just need precision, and… (shoots gun) got one! Travis: woooo! We're gonna be eating tonight! Tim: wait, shhh again! It's the queen russian salami! (Cuts to reveal a huge Russian Salami) Tim: if we kill that one we'll eat like kings! Ready… Aim…. (Fires) YES! I INJURED IT! Travis: Shoot it again! Tim: (repeatedly shoots it) yesss!!!! We did it! I- (a huge shadow falls over them) uh… (Shot changes to reveal en enormous russian salami) Tim: (nervous laugh) hi… (grabs the queen's corpse and runs) book it! Travis: aa- (gets trampled by russian salami king) (Cuts to then at their house eating the corpse of the queen while in casts) Travis: only 3 more weeks until our bones repair! Tim: i cant feel my legs… Travis: let's just continue eating our new catch! Tim: ok! Oh god, i think my arms also broke…